The Need and Resistance to Change

As of today, March 2012, economists agree that we are slowly emerging from the recession.  Whether it is because of the mild winter or the “Obama stimulus” or other factors, the consensus is that the economy is improving.  There is also a growing consensus that our society will emerge from this recession changed in many ways. 

Many jobs that before required workers in the past, can now be done by machine or have been exported to other countries where the labor is cheaper.  Sound too sic-fi for you?  Ask the thousands of people who lost their jobs in this way, often made to create the very machines or to train the very people that ended up replacing them.  In the new economy there is, once again, a need for workers.  But the workers needed now, are people with more skills and higher expertise.  

Severely overworked, the productivity of people who do have a job, but are asked to do more and more work to keep it, is rapidly decreasing.  This can be a signal to the employers that there is no more work that can be squeezed out of the skeleton crews they left in place after massive lay-outs.  If they want their companies to continue to grow, they need to change the strategy. The time has come at last for the corporations to hire again. The question is who will be chosen?

What can one do to compete in this new society?  Anthropologists will tell you that from prehistoric times humans survived as a species because they were innovative in taking care of their basic survival needs.  They had ideas that transformed their lives forever:  using sharp rocks as tools, learning how to control fire, learning how to grow crops.  They survived because their minds were creative and innovative and allowed them to constantly learn and adapt.  That capacity is in us today.  People able to adapt quickly to new circumstances or challenges are considered to be smarter and more creative and are regarded with admiration.   Why is adaptability a trait so much valued?  Because it is linked to survival. 

In a world in which we no longer literally hunt for food, our personal well-being has become attached to other forms of success:  career, education, material possessions, status, an “exciting” life-style and so on.  Therefore, new qualities are beginning to be needed to achieve successful survival.  How do we know which qualities we will need to adapt to the post-recession world? 

The capacity to adapt and create new worlds is still in us today, but so is the natural, innate tendency to resist change.  Why is human nature so reluctant to change?  One explanation is because change means instability and usually instability triggers intense fear.  Our deeply rooted instincts, conditioned to maintain balance and stability, get on high alert mode when something threatens that balance.  Our emotions, according to affective neuroscience, are believed to be at the very foundation of how our brain and mind works.  Fear is a powerful emotion triggered automatically when the mind perceives a threat to its normal routine.  When the threat is change, the emotional balancing mechanisms will try to manage the emotional reaction–fear of change—instinctively.  An example of biological and emotional instinctive defense mechanism is “fight or flight.”  When facing a fierce animal in the wild, with the goal of physical survival, it is an extremely helpful mechanism.  But in the modern society where we face different types of threats, like losing income, prestige or social status, sometimes we need to override the “fight or flight” instinct, face our deepest fears and take an entirely different type of corrective measures. 

This is an example when the cognitive aspect of our brain, the mind, developed much more recently in the evolution of our brain, needs to come in and control the ancestral emotional blueprint.  One way to do it is through cultivating powerful motivations. Controlling and keeping the fear-emotion in check, allows the mind to create and execute an action plan to contain the threat, in our example, the threat of change.

Often, a bold action plan implies going against one’s fear.  But when the action is well planned and carefully executed, it can trigger positive, rewarding changes that will quiet and sooth the instinctive aversion to change and will establish a new and reinforced emotional balance. 

The conclusion is this:  If you build in your mind such a powerful willingness to take a life-changing action, you can definitely override your fears and successfully deal with change.

Transformation and change is, inevitably and perpetually, the name of the game.  Is it easy, comfortable or convenient changing?  Of course not!  It is stressful and scary and plenty confusing.  Even if you just admit it is scary, routine, more emotionally comfortable, will try to pull you toward keeping things the way they are.  The trouble is doing nothing often takes you straight to the obsolescence pool, which is populated by many who feel stuck and bitter, pointlessly reminiscing about “the good old days,” and unable to effectively adapt to change.  People who stubbornly try to fit reality in a narrowly conditioned frame of mind are usually left behind in a fast paced society.  They are not fighting against their emotions.  Hopelessly they keep trying to fight against their fear of change by opposing change and denying the need for action. 

Do you want to see yourself there?  I doubt it.  In reality, no one ends up there by choice.  Going against your own fears, objectively assessing the circumstances of your situation and making the hard choices change often demands, is a very hard and brave thing to do.  Neither denial nor inaction, but only courage and determination will help you see and chose the new opportunities opening right in front of you.

Staying open, staying informed, being ready to quickly use your existing skills in a new way or being ready to learn entirely new skills, are just a few of the things one can do to prevent becoming redundant and easily replaceable.   Many people who have been laid off have already gone back to school to increase their work value in the new job market.  Many more have learned different jobs.  The transformation of our work force and our society is happening rapidly.  Where and how can we find the courage to change?

Part II

Finding The Courage To change

“A bit of advice

given to a young Native American

at the time of his initiation:

‘As you go the way of life,

you will see a great chasm.

Jump.

It is not as wide as you think.”

Joseph Campbel, “In The Field” 

How can you find that courage?  Do not linger in the warm nostalgia of the good old times. It may be comforting at first, but if you linger there, you will make no progress.  Do not see yourself as a victim, either.  That path is full of self-pity and leads to hopelessness and inaction.  

Instead, keep your mind open, focused intensely on the changes happening around you. Stay alert to detecting the opportunities that might be to your benefit.  Turn the new circumstances to your advantage.  Shift quickly from something that doesn’t work or only works so-so to something new and exciting, with a much higher likelihood of success.  Seek trusted advice from mentors and sages in your life. Do your homework and do take some calculated risks.  Your mind, guided by your will, consciously and unconsciously, will start finding new ways to lead you where you want to be.  Thus you will discover a new framework of thinking and living, new means of being at your best, new patterns of relating to yourself and to others.  As you strive for this new you, if you fully embrace it, you will soon realize you actually like and respect the renewed version of yourself.  These are only a few examples.  If you get the idea, please add your own. 

This way of approaching change will greatly increase your emotional and social survival ability in the emerging post-recession world. It will also help you achieve financial and emotional security for yourself and your loved ones.  Successfully managing change will make you, more innovative, more skillful and much stronger.  This, in turn, will make you even more successful. It is an upward spiral.

To remain in control, fight your “fight or flight” instinct and embrace the change.  Find the mental strength to build a strong will, so powerful will that will dominate your fears. Maintain an open, flexible mind.  Accept that “new” can be both challenging, exciting and renewing, all at the same time.  Change can bring about opportunities you have never dreamt of.  Hold on to the belief that New is Good and give yourself the chance to grow stronger and wiser out of your own fears.

If you face unemployment or other difficult transitions, make New is Good your guiding belief.  It will inspire you to keep going, unstoppable, until you achieve your goals.  Stay open, work hard, don’t look back and never ever lose hope. 

P.S.   The idea of New is Good as a guiding belief, has already been tested by one of my patients.  She was fighting the despair of looking for a job for over a year despite her sound education, excellent references and plenty of experience in her field.  She felt scared and confused facing the dramatic changes in the work force today.  But she did not give up and worked on reinventing herself. We came up with New is Good while looking for a way to strengthen her will to keep going, keep fighting for the right job.  It became her constant companion even long after she exceeded this goal.  We both hope this will help you too to keep going until successfully overcome your own challenges, whatever they may be.

New is Good! Make it so!

But unlike the vast majority of the 3.5% who do not or cannot ask for help, Leo found his way to my office, determined to “finally nip this problem in the bud,” as he put it at our first meeting.  His own motivation to overcome this deficit is a very good indication that he will succeed, now that he has asked for help and will have my professional experience and knowledge on his side.  Talking to him about his job, it took me very little time to understand that he is a talented salesman, which, along with his motivation to get well, will be the foundation of our intervention strategy to improve his overall prognosis.

We started our intervention by teaching him a great deal about ADD:  how it manifests in adults; why he accumulated over time so much hatred of himself; how anxiety is very often a consequence of the frustrations created by the ADD symptoms and not the other way around.  With this information, he was able to see the areas in his job and in his life that have been greatly affected by ADD:  from strenuous relationships with frustrated friends because of his being “distracted” all the time and forgetting to show up or being very late to social functions…to constantly falling behind at work because of being unable to manage his time and meet deadlines, ADD had a clear negative impact on his life. 

During our sessions he began, for the first time, to have an explanation for why he was finding himself in these predicaments, when he had no intention of being irresponsible, lazy or rude.  He just appeared that way, but everybody ended up treating him as such.

Then we started Adderall, a type of medication often used for the treatment of ADD.  This was another learning experience.  As the medication works only for either four or seven hours at a time, he had to figure out how best to use it to take advantage of it during key hours of his daily schedule.

Then we started troubleshooting his problems at work.  I taught him how to keep a tight schedule, how to work with the planner and how to manage deadlines.  A big problem for him has always been sorting out information so he can use it promptly at work whenever needed.

Recently, a few weeks ago, Leo got a new job.  This was his first job since we started our work together.  He has made a lot of progress in dealing with ADD so far, but getting and keeping this new job is the ultimate test of his new and improved abilities. 

Two days ago, Leo marches into my office with his laptop in hand and an upset but resolute expression on his face.  “Doc, you’ve got to help me with this or I’ll lose my job again like the idiot that I am,” he said as soon as he sat down.  He then opened his laptop and turned it on, which is unusual for our sessions.  “Please,” he said, “come over here so both of us can look at this screen at the same time.”

I turned my armchair so I could see his screen.  His new job involves working with a few different groups of complex products.  He needs to know them well so that he can present and sell them to buyers in his industry.  When on the phone with a client, he needs to rapidly access these information and the technical specifications for each.  But when I looked at his work screen, I was horrified.  I could not see how in the world he would be able to accomplish that.  All the categories and subcategories, along with different files referring to different products, were all chaotically mixed up.

His screen looked like this:

“Is this the screen you need to work with when you talk to a client?” I asked in disbelief. 

“Yes,” he answered. 

“I’m sorry,” I said, “there is no way I could work with this screen either.” 

“Thank you!” he said, relieved that he was not the only one struggling to understand it or use it. 

“Are you allowed to move things around on this screen?” I asked, reaching out for a piece of paper and pen. 

“Yes, they told me I can organize the material in any way it works for me,” he said, frustrated again.  “I did this mess myself, not my manager.  I put all the information in, trying to sort it all out.  But when I try to find a particular piece, it’s impossible to remember where I put it, under what heading.  Or if I sort of know, it still takes me forever to find it and retrieve it.  Look, these are all the main categories and subcategories, and all of these, here, are the files that have to go with each category.”

I asked him more questions to better understand what each category and its elements were.  We reorganized the whole screen together.  We created new files, separated the old ones and put them into the folders to which they belonged.  We even designed files for his follow-up discussions with clients without having to use pieces of paper that he would certainly loose or mix up later.  We also did a task manager to remember to call back his contacts, for each category of product, at a certain interval of time.  I had him practice with some of these files and folders.  He took an imaginary buyer and walked him through all the stages from introducing the product to completing the sale.  He soon figured out the new structure.  He still needed to do some additional work but he had the basics.  I knew he could manage from this point on. 

A simplified version of the new structure of his work screen looked like this.

He took a long look at it.  After a pause he said:  “I think I got it!  I’ve got to go, Doc, I have work to do!”   He obviously wanted to finish sorting out all the categories and polish them a little more at home.  On his way to the exit door, he stopped and said as an afterthought, “I think I will actually be able to keep my job this time!”  He walked out into the world, more confident and more resolute than I have ever seen him before.

Two weeks later he called to tell me he had just closed a complex sale with many zeros in the price tag.  He received recognition in front of the entire department.  He was very happy.  And he will keep this job.

What was actually Leo’s problem? 

He knew his material very well, he was smart and he was very motivated to do the necessary work to succeed on his new job.  What was the key ingredient that was missing and undermining all his effort?  He got himself into a state of information overload.  Being unable to sort out the different categories and subcategories of information he had to work with, his thinking became paralyzed.  This happens very often to people with ADD but can happen to anyone who does not take the time to think about organizing the data in a simple, logical and accessible way. 

This ability does not automatically come with practice; but once you get it, it becomes like a game, a puzzle waiting to be solved.  Once you begin thinking about how to sort your information before you start working with it, you will see how much easier it is for you to access it and use it effectively.  This goes for personal life as well.  How many times have you faced complex decisions about something and got a headache just trying to sort out randomly all the facts in your head? 

If we cultivate the ability to sort out facts, ideas or information, in a clear, logical way, it is easier for us to see the pros and cons of each possible decision.  It becomes much more obvious what is a good choice.  Sorting out the information strategically gives us a much better chance to achieve a desired result with a great deal more confidence.

Try this out:  take a recent example when you had to make a decision, even a simple one like whether or not to buy a new sweater or a new pair of shoes.  Remember what your thinking was at that time.  Remember how you felt after making that decision.  Were you making the purchase impulsively?  Were you debated endlessly with yourself, unable to reach a satisfying conclusion?  Were you happy with your decision in the end?  Or did you think about it so much that you got a headache and were unable to make any decision, exactly what I call information overload block? 

Now think about the same event and try to sort out logically the pros and cons of buying and not buying that article of clothing.  Look at the two categories, and if it isn’t obvious already, you can attach numbers to emphasize the facts with the highest importance to you.  The more important the fact, the higher the number on a scale of one to five.  You can tally the scores if you wish.  Or feel free to come up with any priority system that works for you and helps you see clearly which decision will make you happier.  Then follow that course.  How do you feel about your decision now?

Once you have found a structure that works for you, you can apply it in a similar way to more complex decisions.  You will have more factors in play, but essentially, sort out the information available in your own mind and possibly on paper.  Follow your own priority ranking and then make your decision.  It will likely lead you to better results.  To avoid getting bogged down in an information overload mental block, take pen to paper and draw your strategic diagram.  If you do it right, you will see clearly your decision steps in their best sequence. 

Taking the time to construct a plan or a strategy before you act will give you a logical edge and a confidence that will help you make decisions.  You will have fewer regrets and less guilt.  Making strategic thinking a common practice in your everyday life will help you become happier with your decisions and, ultimately, with your life.

Who says it isn’t in our power to construct strategically our own happiness?

  TIBET–The High Plateau of the Himalayas

Let’s say something bad happens. It could be your boss being unfair to you, or your partner feeling hurt for no apparent (to you) reason. Or your teacher, or your colleague, or your son or daughter do something stupid. Or you do something stupid and get caught. In other words, an upsetting event.

Speaking our mind, having a voice—letting people know what we really think—is often suppressed by the fear that we will come across angry and out of control. Sometimes worse is the fear that no one will listen or that everyone will get even more upset. Is it worth saying anything, or is it better to swallow our frustrations?

Emotional conflict can be so very frustrating. If we do not know how to manage it, we will most likely not feel satisfied with the outcome. There can be many unwanted and often unforeseen negative consequences of acting on the first impulse when upset. This will likely include the angry reaction of the person at the receiving end of our verbalized frustrations, which may lead to a never ending string of complications and worries. We have all faced such situations.
How can one find the right words to rule and control anger? Is there a recipe we can use when we are upset about something to express that feeling eloquently and successfully change the course of the negative events? Should we act instinctively and lash out our anger at the person in front of us, making everybody angry and digging a deeper hole for ourselves? Or should we withdraw within ourselves and slowly brew in our own self-destructive anger, saying nothing, resolving nothing, only perpetuating a bad situation and making it a hundred times worse?
Are there better options than to say nothing and implode or to say the first thing that comes to mind and explode outwardly? Continue reading and you will consider a third option.